sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
