i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
