1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How naked do you want me to be?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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