Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
