Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
