I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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