Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
