My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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