Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
