I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
