the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
