how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
