im about as happy as oj after his trial
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
