We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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