i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
