Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
