two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
