If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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