You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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