then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
