If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
