i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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