1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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