brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
