I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
