i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
