so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
