THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
