Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
