Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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