hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
