You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
