I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
