i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude i'm inner monologue high
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
