I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i will never coherently bang her
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
