He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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