Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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