I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
