He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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