Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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