I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
