We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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