I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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