Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
