Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
