All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
