Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize