Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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