I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My feet surprised me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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