I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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