none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize