I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
