well I can't set my house on fire every night
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
