There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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