youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
