At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
