It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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