I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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