I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
