Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
