I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
