I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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