OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
