you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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