somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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