i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
