Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
