he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
