I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
