HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
