Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
