you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
