I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
