Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
