margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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