I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
