I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
