Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
