I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
