We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Pappa wants mamma naked
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
