You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
